Friday, December 16, 2016

The New Barbies







Kudos for Mattel making diverse Barbies. Looks like they come in four types regular, tall, petite, and curvy. Also, there seem to three or four ethnic types: White, Asian, Black, and Hispanic.

My only beef, all the curvy dolls are dressed hideously. Why?!?! The doll looks great, but all the curvy one seems to be wearing day-glo moo-moos. All the outfits my grandmother would not be caught dead in.

All the other Barbie regardless of ethnicity are smartly dress, with outfit that make sense. So what's up Mattel?

The only thing I can think of is the product design team at Mattel figures if they make the curvy dolls hideous they won't have to make anymore of them.

Go tell Mattel to stick it and buy a curvy Barbie. I'm sure there is someone out there who will start making decent clothes for them.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

So the Wife is closed for business;
The Mistress is out of town;
The Milf next door thinks I'm creepy;
And the Coed is home on Christmas Break.

So the rant begins, and just under the wire for 2015.

The big news was going to be I was down to 235 and A1c is at 6.0.   That 50 pounds less than my heaviest weight, and 5.9 for an A1c is consider normal.  So it's going great.  (Aside I gain a few pounds over the past two week.  Damn you egg nog!  Damn you to Hell.  Tis the season of food!)


So what is the big new.  December 9th I killed a dear with my Prius.  I missed the first one and didn't see the second one.  Just a little brown flash and then my air bag was in my face.  I wasn't going that fast, just started leaving Muscatine and heading for home.

I pull off to the side of the highway.  I get out of the car and examine the front part of my Prius.  It's totaled.  The hood is bent, the side panel is destroyed, the bumper is shattered, and some ominous fluid is leaking from the front of the car.  So the radiator is definitely gone.  There are bits and piece of the front bumper wedge into the engine compartment.  I dial 911.

After ten minutes of no response, a random county sheriff drives by and stops.  He is huge, 6'5 and probably 300 pounds.  He not the Muscatine Sheriff.  He filling in from some county down south and was returning home.  I didn't even get the Muscatine County Sheriff.  So basically I could have run over someone and the local sheriff would have take 15 minutes or more to show up.  Just saying.

While the sheriff calls for a tow truck, a man walks up and ask if I want the deer.  "Knock yourself out, go ahead".  The man examine the deer, and kicks it.  "Yep, It's dead, and the back leg is broken.  I hope the internal organs haven't ruptured.   That's spoils the meat.  I work over there." He points towards WDS (White Systems Distributing). "They (the deer) come through here all the time.  I take the deer home for extra meat.  You sure you don't mind."   I can just see myself bring home a deer carcass for the High Priestess.  She who has a hard time with ground beef, and only like to deal with pre-cut chicken breast.  She would freak.


The tow truck comes and I get a ride home.  The tow truck drive is half my age and has his two young kids with him.  He too was heading home when he got the call.  I spend the next 45 minutes talking to the insurance company and  contacting my wife.

I spend finals week driving a rental Chevy Malibu.  I turn more heads driving this rental car that cost half of what my beloved Prius did in 2012.  WTF!  I can save the planet in my Prius, but I could pickup coeds in a POS Malibu.  Life is not fair.  Stupid Deer!

I spent the week before Christmas car shopping.

Wednesday, January 07, 2015

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Yeah, I've been a bad person and spend my time not updating my blog.  I spend most of my off time playing video games and drinking margaritas.   Seriously, I teach then go home and spend three hours winding down by trying to kill other player's animated pixels.  Mostly, my time is spent with this beautiful big bitch with  a sword and her sisters in League of Legends.  I always play female characters, probably because I am a pervert.  I'm sure I have some deep issues and this is my way of coping.  Give my a female character with a large weapon and I'm happy.  When not in LoL (League of Legends), I am playing Smite as Neith,  another wonderful woman with a bow.  If not in those two places, I'm on Steam playing something else.

I realize I spend far too much time playing video games.  Time that could be spent: reading, blogging, writing, or doing housework.  If I just spent half the time just doing stuff around the house, my house would be a wonderful clean home.  I bet the High Priestess would be happier too.

So why do I do it?   Cleaning makes me sneeze.  Really, It does! Takes two days to recover after each time I clean.

Saturday, September 13, 2014

My Prius is TOO Quiet

I once called a pervious car I owned a Deathmobile.  I have now changed my mind. Over the past 2 years I've killed more animals with my Prius than any other car I own.  All that death and still getting 55 mpg!.  The Problem is my Prius is TOO quiet.  Have you ever tried to sneak up on a squirrel or a chipmunk?  Have you ever tried the same trick in your car?  It happens to me all the time, not just parking either.  This is at speed doing 60 miles per hour down a country road! (aside: Unlike Al Gore III who seems to get 100 mph out of his Prius.  It's got to be the drugs.  I highest I've gotten my Prius is 90 mph.  That's when the High priestess tell me to slow the Fuck down! Actually she just tells me her side of the car is going to fast.)

I get road noise in the car:  the sound of the tires on the road, wind sounds, and internal engine noise. I do wish the prius had better sound insulation for those road noises.  However from the outside my car must be close to silent, or at least much quieter that the typical car.  The animals are not use that I guess.  I've had squirrels give me a look when I pull up, "OH, I didn't see you there!"  If am at speed it is: "HOLY CRAP! Where did that big blue monster come from!!!!"  SPLAT!!"

It's only a matter of time before I hit a couple of people.  I pulled into the bank the other day and old guy in a pickup said, "Hey Buddy! Are you gonna put a muffle on that thing it's so damn noisy?!?"  We both had a good laugh.  He commented he was sitting there waiting for his wife and just looked over and there I was.  I get the same comments from other people, parents and kids when picking up Technowitch from the local high school.

Looks like I'll be doing all my drive by shooting in my Black Prius with the tinted windows from now on.

Thursday, August 07, 2014

Life By the Number

HR: 58
BP: 128/80
A1c: 6.2
Office Wt: 250
Home Wt: 247

You know all the crap you hear about wieght lose?  Take this pill! Use this system!  Eat this special food! Lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks!

All of that is horseshit!  You know the best way to lose weight diet and exercise.  Stop eating crap.  Get 8 hours of sleep.  Do Thrity minutes of vigorous exercise every day. ( Mastrubating to pornography doesn't count!)

All that stuff you mom told you about eating your veggies and not to drink some much soda pop really works.  Get over the fact you had a bad gym experience, when the class bully snapped your jock strap or pulled down your short exposing your raging hard on while you watched the girls in Coed swim class.  (Not that I dwell on that!  Although I am quite proud of the shocked looks I got. )

For those few readers I have left  paying attention,  my numbers are fan-fucking-tastic.  Six months ago I was at 6.8 for my A1c.   Try to think of your red blood cells as doughnut.  The A1c is a percentage of sugar covering the outside of the red blood cell, like the sugar on a doughnut.  Normal range is 4.8-5.9% , like a plain cake doughnut that a couple of sprinkles.  (Aside: If the red blood cell have too much sugar on their surface they can stick together just like real doughnuts.  Which lead to kidney damage, heart damage, blindness, loss of limbs, and death).  At 6.2% my donuts are lightly glazed. At 15.6% your doughnut have been through the Krispy Kreme Sugar Waterfall, dipped in chocolate, covered in rainbow sprinkles, then covered with doughnut crumbles.  Your blood has the consistency of pancake batter and it is only a matter of time before your heart explodes.

I have been working hard over the past two year to actually lose the weight.  A fat black guy walking through Wal-mart just seems a stereotypical at this point. (Aside: I get more looks from women theses day.  Evidently when you weigh 250 and everyone else is 350+  you look pretty damn sexy in some women's eyes)  I haven't weighed 250 since 1999.

How did I do this?  Little changes and small steps.  I can't gaurantee this will work for you but it worked for me so far.

1. A little willpower doesn't mean saying no to every piece of cake or twinkie.  It does mean not eating after 8 pm.  Realizing you don't need that bag of chips while you play video games.  Think before you eat.  Are you eating to cover something else?  Sometimes having an honest look at yourself is the hardest part.

2. Cut out all diet soda pop and artificial sweetener, anything with the claim of zero calories because sugar substitute are not your friend.   Artificial sweeteners trick the body into thinking it has sugar to burn.  When it can't find the energy your body craves more food.  All that fake sugar screws up your sense of taste as well.  Try cutting out all the fake sugar you have for two weeks then eat an apple, grapes or another piece of fruit.  (Really you should try this.  It shocked the hell out of me.)

3. Get some exercise everyday.  Start slow and let your body adjust.  When I started TKD I thought I was going to die, after six month it was wasn't that bad.  Sweat is your friend.  After my knee injury I had to start slow again and work up to what I do now:  35 minutes fast climb on a stepper, 1965 feet ascent.  (Aside: Since writing and editing I have upped to 40 minutes and now climb 2240 feet.)  I start with 15 minutes on the lowest difficulty and I thought I was going to die.  Every time my body got used to the work load I increased the time by 5 minutes or increase the stepper level.  It's about every two months or so.

4. Cut out the fast food.  Getting rid of the Burger, fries and pop can do wonders. Maybe having Fast Food once a month is a good goal to work toward.  Not all fast food is created equal.  A sub sandwich with unsweetened ice tea and no chips is better than double cheeseburger, large fries and a coke.  Packing a lunch will save you a bit of cash too.

5. Eating regularly breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Watch your portions You don't need as much food as you think you do.  The restaurants are lying to you.  No one needs a 16 oz steak.

6. Drink lots of water, Unsweetened iced tea, or plain coffee.  (Not any of that Iced Coffee with Whipped cream crap).  Maybe once a week I have a can (12oz - 355ml) of regular soda, but that is a rare special treat.  I think cutting out the diet and sugar drinks have helped me a great deal.  You would be surprise how many calories you down everyday in your drinks.

7. Weight yourself everyday and keep track of what is going on.  Your weight from day to day may change by 3 to 5 pounds.  There may seems to be no reason for it, but it happens.  I have stuffed myself and the next day I've been of the scale and it reads 2 pounds lighter.  Other days I barley had anything and gain 3 pounds.  This is normal.  As you body loses fat and gains muscle you may gain some weight.  If you are well hydrated one day and thirsty the next day, that can show up in your weight too.   Track your weight everyday, but look at the trend downward over the months.  

8. All of this will take time.  I can't help you if you want to lose 10 pounds in 10 days.  You didn't wake up 300 pounds one day.  You grew that way over time, it's going to take some time to lose the weight as well.  Be realistic.  Do not give up trying just because you can not  lose five pounds the that day.

9. You will slip.  Binge on a pizza.  Eat too much cake. You'll gain 5 pounds in a week on vacation that took you a good month and a half to lose.  Don't give up.  Get back on the horse.  rome was not built in a day and neither is a slimmer you.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Meditation on Exercise

Working on my stepper gives me time to think. Really stepping is golified hamster wheel, except your house is your cage.  I watch a lot of anime.  The television helps distract me. It keep me from realizing how boring it is running on the hamster wheel.   However every now and then a thought comes to me.  The same thing happens to me during swimming.  The mind turns in on itself and start to put random thoughts together in new and interesting patterns.

All exercise can be broken into three part: Future, Present, and Past

The Future

The first third of your workout,  whether or not the time is ten minutes or an hour.  Anything you do is just burning the random energy in your body at that moment. It's like adding a few minutes on to your life at some point 20 years into the future if you get there.  Is just enough exercise to justify that jelly doughnut, or three Girl Scout cookies with your morning coffee.  It the lie we tell ourselves that we are doing something good.  Cut through the boredom... Keep going...

The Present

The middle third is when you are truly doing something for yourself. The time spent here goes into heart, muscle, and lung.  The making of the future you that can really enjoy those extra minites you may have given yourself in the first third when you decide to exercise.  This the time you lose yourself and in a trance you continue on...

The Past

The last third is where the really work can begin.  This is the time where you work on the deep past, not last night, or a week ago.  It the time five years ago  that your body remembers the  three extra hot dog you wolfed down at that 4th of July cookout. or that time you had the pound of potatoe oles' and six tacos by yourself because you were "celebrating".  This last bit is always the hardest, because your bored, tired and maybe hurting.  Think of it as feeling the pain you inflected on your body during drinking that shamrock shake, that you really didn't need.

 After every session of stepping there has never been a time when I have felt worse for exercising.  I have always felt better.




Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Wisdom Passed Down

Last week was the High Priestess Birthday.  The birthday was one of the big ones that ends in ZERO.  Which leads me into my next thought and a piece of wisdom from my father that I have found true: 

"When gifting for a man, get him something indestructible.  When gifting for a woman, give her something ephemeral."