The iPhone 5s

I've been waiting for this for a long awhile.  I expected long lines at the store.  I expected them to be sold out of the model I wanted.  I expected to have to wait for a month while everything is backorder.

I DID NOT expected the BUTTFUCKING I got from Verizon Wireless However.

I've been saving my Upgrade discount for over six month.  I been trying to match my two renewal plan with Apples projected release dates of their phone products.  My renewal date was in May.  I've been saving my pennies and watching the tech news on all the iPhone rumors.  So I waiting past the Opening Day on Friday, because that's always a madhouse and any first run of production of any high tech device has bugs.  

Monday night I walk into My Verizon store and wait for 20 minutes until I can see someone about order a new phone.  I've got cash and expect everything to be cool.  Between my discount, my trade-in iPhone 4 and cash I should have more than enough for a top of the line iPhone 5s.   Then the bitch shows up with spiked heels and the biggest black dildo I have every seen in my life!

Me:  I'd like a Black 64GB iPhones 5s.

The Bitch:  I'm sorry those are out of stock until Mid-October. (Please bend over)

Me: I expected that. It's Ok.  I'd like to use my upgrade too.

The Bitch: (Pouting) Ohhh.  Well let's look up your number and plan.

I rattle off some numbers.......

The Bitch:  I see you have unlimited data on your line.  (She starts lubing the dildo.)  Unfortunately, to use your upgrade you must change your plan to 2GB per month.  Verizon is no longer grandfathering any unlimited data plans.

Me:  WTF! (Aside: In everyone part of the world cell data is unlimited, and Wifi is pretty much everywhere.  It's only in the US the the Free Internet cost and arm and a leg.   BTW - I just thought about this If I upgraded in May to a iPhone 5 would Verizon still want to Fuck my ASS with the new data plan?  Or is this some Corporate bonehead idea because the new iPhones are out) Fair Warning: Can You tell I'm a Little Pissed?  I feel like punching someone!)

The Bitch: You can have your phone at $399 with upgrade discount and  the new dat plan or ....
(She bends me over and starts...)

The Bitch:  You can pay the full price of the phone $850 and keep your old plan month to month and not be in a contract.  (Now the Hard fucking Begin!)

Me: (Internal Monologue - WTF!  It only takes about $180 to make an iPhone!  I'm sure this BITCH would love to get me into a 2GB data plan then charge me up the ass for going over my data.  I'm going to have this phone for at least 3 years.  Who knows what cool stuff will happen then that will eat up my data.  I imagine sending and receive Chinese food transport as data through my phone!  My 2 dollar egg rolls now cost $50 because each egg roll use 10 Terabytes of data.  FUCK YOU LADY!   FUCK YOU VERIZON!)  I grumble.  I'll pay the full price.  (BY GOD I'M GONNA STREAM PANDORA EVERYDAY AND WATCH STREAMING PRON FROM THAILAND EVERY NIGHT!  JUST TO CRASH YOUR NETWORK!)

The Bitch:  Ok Sign here.  Would like the Protection Plan for an extra $10 a month?  (OH YOU LIKE THAT....  WHO A MAMA'S BOY?  YES YOU ARE!  SQUEAL LITTLE PIGGY!)

Me: NO!

The Bitch: Ok.  Your iPhone should be ready in a Month (Awwwww,  Don't pout...I'm not using my fist you silly boy!)

I spent last week at a conference in Des Moines with my trusty Refurbished iBook G4. I got this from Apple about 3 years ago and it has worked well on this little trips. However, I started getting Netbook envy sitting around my fellow teachers. Everything in the laptop world is a compromise. Those 17 inch widescreen laptop are cool, but the are a beast sitting on the tabletop elbow to elbow with several other overweight 8-10 pound laptop. I like the netbooks. The cute little screen and keyboards are a pain to view and type on. So I'm a stuck in a muddle, with wanting something light and big. I could get a Mac Air, but but I think the High priestess would freak over $2000 on a whim. Beside I spent far too much this summer.

So I'm typing away on the iBook G4. (No, she doesn't have a name. But I guess she should have. Something like Candy, Bubbles, or something in the lap dancer category since she spend most of her time on my lap anyway. I should think about that.) Anyway, she has been a little sluggish because her 60GB drive is almost full. I wanted to play a couple of hours of World of Warcraft, and since I haven't updated the patches in awhile I spent those extra hours downloading the patch. At the last patch window, the program says I only have 2.5 Gigs left on my hard drive and I need 3.5 Gigs. I dumps my Itunes Library and some other crap. I get 4 GB free. I download the patch. Then I get a message that the install will take another 6 GIGS! I find the space somehow and get everything install. This event just makes me say, "Fuck IT". I hop on Other World Computing and start looking for upgrades. YEAH! I can get a new drive for $50 and another 1 GIG of RAM for another $50. This is perfect. Prices for this model are just at that sweet spot. Low demand parts because my iBook is an older model, but not so old that the part are consider rare and expensive. I order the parts and they arrive back home awhile I'm still at the conference. Yippie, there is something to be said for ordering stuff at 5 AM.

I spend Friday night work on the old girl. The memory goes in place in about 5 minutes. I guess Apple wants you to do this upgrade. The Hard Drive is another story. I have to first backup the old drive. This is similar to the PS3 upgrade I did awhile back. Fortunately, OWC has a hard drive enclosure and drive package deal for $130. OK... more than I wanted to spend but I get a bigger drive in the deal. I put the new drive in the enclosure and "Clone" the laptop drive onto the new drive. After 3 hours of backing up, I'm ready to swap out the hard drives. I can tell Apple does NOT want me to do this.

There are more than 30 little screws that need to be removed and their locations noted. The whole laptop pretty much has to be disassembled, not a Pretty Sight. Thankfully I found some step by step instructions with pictures on the web. I get the drive installed and start closing up. I notice I got more screws than holes left and I forgotten a few parts still on the workbench. I take the iBook apart for the second time to get everything back inside. I close her up again and cross my fingers. I press the power button, and get a heartbeat "Bong". She LIVES!

Stacy..(hmmmmm Do I like Stacy?) has a new 250Gb Hard Drive (over the 60GB is had from Apple) and 1.5 Gigs of Ram. She works fine and she is a lot peppy too.

(Aside: I forgot to take pictures while doing this, so I swapped this picture from somewhere else.)