Iowa State Fair 2007
Normally, I would be talking about deep fried twinkies, the Pork Queen, or corn, when I mention the Iowa State Fair. Today was a perfect day, not too hot, or too cold, slight breeze, and partly sunny. I walking through the Varied Industries Building, and I notice a lot of people wearing kaikis, blue dress shirts and button saying, "I'm with Fred."

I must say he is the most organized "Non" Presidential candidates I've ever seen. As far as I can tell he spent 20 minutes near or in the VI building, answering questions and giving sound bites. I have no idea what he said.

What did strike me was how tall he is. It surprised me because I've seen his films, and I never had that impression of great height.

Yes, it's shallow, but at the time I was on a mission to find the Gyros stand.

Iowa State Fair 2006

We are all going to die. Americans will expire not through force of arms, the greenhouse effect nor HIV/AIDS. We will eat ourselves to death. I’m standing in line at the Deep Fried Twinkie stand behind an 8 year old who has to be 150 pounds and as wide as he is tall. He orders a Deep Fried Snickers Bar (Yes, you can do that.) and a large Pepsi. He pays his six dollars and waddles off. I look around I see my follow Iowans as eating machines and we all are getting F*#@&! HUGE. The only people not that way are Teenager girls who I suspects have been starving themselves a week before coming to the State Fair. I can’t see how anyone can eat this stuff and not turn into a walking ad for Fat Slim’s Big and Tall shop.

All that being said, I was quite good this year. Packing lots of water I made my pilgrimage to the land of foods on a stick and consumed; 1 pork chop on a stick (Very Good), 5 bites of Turkey leg (on it’s own built in stick), 5 bites of the High Priestess’ Steak Tips, green and Onions (OK), ¾ of a Funnel Cake, and a Fried Twinkie (Gotta try something new each year.)

OMG…. I revised my previous statement. The road to hell (at least my person hell) is lined with beautiful women and paved with fried Twinkies. This Twinkie was wonderful. A Twinkie is pretty good just by itself, but deep fry it in sweet batter and sprinkle powder sugar on it, F*#@&! Brilliant! Warm on the outside and the cream is still cold on the inside. The Devil herself could be there with a pitchfork, red skin, black teddy, whip, phallic tail, and a Deep Fried Twinkie…and I’d still think about it.

Later I made my way to the Varied Trades Building and had myself weighed. My souvenir from the Iowa State Fair says 281.5 pounds. That beat Tony Soprano by a pound and a half. To be fair I ‘d my standard 10 pounds of crap I carry with me plus I was toting more water than Gunga Din.

Next year: Deep Fried Oreo Cookies or a Deep Fried Snickers

IOWA STATE FAIR PICTURES!

I kept trying to find the Pork Princess this year, but no luck. here is Tiger Woods as butter and his pet. Everyone loves egg on a stick!

The Iowa State Fair 2005

Short Ribs ( Free from mom )

1.75 liters of Waters from Dahl's ( Like hell I'm gonna $2-3 for 16 oz of water at the fair)

1 Turkey Leg ( This was as big as my daughter's leg! we fed four people off this thing. I hate to see the mutant turkey they got this from.)

Fries (OK I'm Weak)

Pork Tenderloin (As big as my head! Never heard of a tenderloin before moving to Iowa. That's a good thing. When it's done right it's Lethal. This one is so good I forget how many nails are being driven into my casket.)

Bag of Saltwater Taffy (Peppermint. This is for later.)

Egg on a Stick. I didn't have one of theses but I know several hundred people who did)

Then I go Crazy....

Wonder Bar ( Vanilla Ice dipped in Chocolate then cover in Nut. Get it made fresh, so the warm chocolate gets a chance to warm the ice cream a bit.)

JR Donuts (Mini-Donunt deep fried and warm, sprinkle in sugar. They come in bags of 11, 21, and 31. OMG)

I stopped wondering why everyone there is as big as a house. Rule of thumb: IF you can't walk around the fair under your own power, don't go in a power chair.

Ask a Black Guy Anything #5

Email from a friend -- "What do you think of MJ verdict coming in not guilty????

Celebrity has even more privileges! Now to disprove that theory, Phil Spector will probably be convicted simply to disprove the trend."


I don't think Micheal got off (hehehehehe - he said "Got Off") because he is a celebrity. He beat the rap because the prosecution tried to pin to much on him and he got same darn good lawyers. I'm not saying Mr. Jackson was completely innocent, but i don't believe his is as sinister as the prosecotion made him out to be. They probabaly could have gotten Micheal on the underage drinking charges and the lewd acts, but he would never seen jail time. His career would have becomes like Paul Rubens, just a has been.

Micheal Jackson has problems. He lacks good judgement and has no one to tell him when he is being stupid. He is not in any world a normal person would can reality. All of these trials just feed into his illusion and he will not change. I suspect we will all have to be back here in five years. Micheal jackson is going to hit the mid-life criss wall hard, very hard. He should be pitied.

The sad thing is that he is in a great position to really make some great timeless music. Something that can really speak to people, but he has to come back to the real world and live Neverland behind. Mr. Jackson was at a crossroads after his Dangerous Album. Right now he is heading down the path of the middle aged loser rock stars, destined to die in some motel coked out of his with child porn on the TV. Micheal needs to be on the right road with other musicians like: Pete Townsend, Peter Gabriel, Phil Collins, and Mick Jagger.

Micheal get your act together!

This Comes for the Ask a Black Guy Anything Mailbag (Actually an Email).

"Why do guys like porn?(sic)"

I assume this is from a lady. Why would a guy ask, eh? Not really a black guy question, more of a general guy question. It'll do.

Hmmmmmm.... Thinking cap on.

There are a couple of reasons.

First and foremost, men are visual creatures, so looking at what they desire comes naturally. The women ( or men for that matter, I'll be fair here) don't even have to be nude. It just appealing to look. I guess men are just wired that way. Maybe that why there are some many men's magazine with women in bikinis and underwear, maxim, FHM, etc. Of Course, there is always the stuff that come in the plastic wrap and sits on the high self. Why do these things sell? Because the women are approachable, sure some of them are very pretty, but I don't think that the main reason. In these books, magazines, tape and DVD are women who seems available. Not for real, but it the illusion the guys want. A woman who always seems available, ready, horny, and doesn't place to many demands on the male pysche (You know like puttting two coherent sentences together).

Second, Your husband, boyfriend, guy across the hall, next door neighbor, even your father, has some deep dark fantasy, probably invovling a midget, lime jello, and lots and lots of leather. This is the one they don't even tell spouses, or girlfiends, because they are affraid their lady friend will run shieking from the room. Now here is the kicker, there is a magazine, video series, or website devoted just to his little dark fantasy. So for the cost of a movie rental he can feed his little monster and the world still turns safely and none the wiser. That why the porn industry made 7 billion dollars last year.

Comments anyone?