I received this snippet of an editorial form a lovely young african student of mine. Often I share my insight of the Man/Woman reality with my students, and so she shared this with me. It comes for the Daily Nation, a newspaper from Kenya.



MANTALK: The problem with women



They hate to hear the truth and yet they keep putting men on the spot by asking questions whose honest answers they are not ready for

I am probably going to annoy a lot of women but I guess that should not come as a surprise. The problem with women today is that they think they know where men are coming from. They act as though they too have been to Mars and that's why many of them are pulling ridiculously amateurish psychological mind games, with the view of gaining leverage over us.

I am not amused and like the cigar smoking detectives say in those TCM movies, "We've gotta put a stop to this".

Wives, girlfriends, mistresses, concubines and even sometimes maids are asking a lot of questions these days. They want to know where you went, how you got there and who you were with. It's called communication. Unfortunately, for men, it feels like an interrogation without the bright light and bare desk.

Communication within relationships has become a big thing nowadays and while the man is expected to provide a detailed account of his movements after the Saturday ball game, the woman can still get away with, "I am going to do my nails".

Women, especially girlfriends, are fond of asking some dumb questions that no man in his right mind would dare give a straight answer to because most of the time, women just do not appreciate honesty.

Example: You walk into a supermarkets in the mall with your woman and bump into some girl who you had a one-night-stand with the year Shekhar Mehta won the Safari. You enjoyed the experience and would not have minded a repeat performance but fate kept her away from you. So there she is looking better than you ever remember and honestly, she reminds you of just how much weight your woman has put on lately.

The woman seems genuinely pleased to see you and does the whole peck-peck routine. You give her an eager bear hug back. When you finally get round to the introductions, your girlfriend maintains a mask of indifference. You part ways immediately forgetting about the encounter.

The question will be dropped approximately three hours later, when you least expect it. "So, did you sleep with her?"

You rack your brain wondering who is being referred to. "The girl we met at the supermarket?"

That's a trick question right there. She won't believe you if you deny that you slept with the woman and the only thing that will save you from the cold treatment is lack of evidence. If you agree, you would have given her reason to believe that you slept with any woman you ever looked at for longer than 30 seconds and you will still get the cold treatment.

It is for that reason that I'm advising brothers to go the Uncle Sam way and pledge the Fifth Amendment. Honest answers are risky, trauma-inducing, time wasting and often lead to shattering of glass. I have therefore attempted to assemble a list of questions that women ask expecting a straight response but which they lack the capacity to deal with.

Ladies, there are some things that are best left unsaid because the truth is not what you want to hear. Trust me on that. Imagine a scenario, where men gave a straight and truthful response to the following queries.

1. Do you love me?

Of, course not. I love your bust though and your backside too. Haven't you noticed that I only call when I want sex? Another thing, I really can't handle these excessive emotions disguised as love that you have taken a fanatical following to lately. Remember the good old days when it was no strings

Attached?

2. Will you marry me?

So that I end up washing the dishes and cooking my own meals? It's women like these who drive men to maids. Sweetheart, you are no homemaker. You would make a great mistress though.

3. How come you never call?

Well, that's because I never think of you.

4. Why am I always the one calling you?

I was hoping that by ignoring you, you get the hint that I wasn't interested in you in that way. Apparently you are a lot more slow-witted than I thought.

5. Am I fat?

Sweetheart! I can't even call you a pig because that would be like a compliment.

6. Why did you ignore my call?

Sorry about that. I was kissing your best friend. It won't happen again.

7. How come we never go anywhere together?

That's a bit complicated. You wouldn't want people thinking that we are couple and the chances of me running into my wife are rather high.

8. When am I seeing you again?

Whenever I have that itch that you relieve so well again. In the meantime, keep yourself warm.



9. Who is that chick you were talking to?

She is a woman I have been trying to get into bed for the longest time but she is such a tease. Do you have any suggestions?

10. I am hungry

Then do something about it.

11. Where did you spend the night?

At my mistresses' place and she had some hot lingerie that wouldn't look great on you. Certainly not with that potbelly.

12. Did you miss me?

Hardly. I was actually hoping you would stay away for longer because there is this new girl I met who is so refreshing. Frankly, I didn't realise until now, how mechanical our marriage is.

13. When are you taking me to that out of town location you keep talking about?

You mean the lodge? Never! You are too high maintenance and I get the feeling after all my efforts, you will still refuse to go bed with me.

Honesty may be a great policy but silence is one hell of a useful substitute. That's why so many of us men, chose to remain silent when asked these questions