Welcome to the Christmas Food Induced Coma Dream

So it's after Christmas.  All the presents have been opened.  Christmas dinner is now just a memory and several stepper sessions into the future.  I have stuffed myself with every cookie, cake, pies, sweet, and baked good in the house.  Time for bed.

In dreamland I meet this Zaftig Redheaded Goddess.  We do everything I ever thought of doing with a woman and several other things that are illegal in 23 states. Just before I wake up she tells me she is a piano teacher.  Then I am siting at upright piano playing Chopin.

Only thing I figured out is my subconscious Id was having too much fun and my better nature needed to get him out of the gutter with some semblance of culture.

When Did That Go Out Of Fashion?

So the High Priestess and I are doing some end of the year cleaning: Recycling old magazine, getting things together to donate, and going through the closets. 

The High Preistess is pulling out item she hasn't worn in years: sweaters, blouses, pants, dresses and skirts.  I love skirts and dresses on women, but then she tells me that current fashion is bare shaved legs without stockings or nylons.  WTF.  THP works in an office, when did stocking go out of fashion?!?  Even in winter?  This just seems to me another moving target of fashion that women can not hope to match.  Unless you are young and have the legs of a dancer, and happen only to be in the perfect skin population, please cover your gams up. 

Doesn't seem fair does it?  Women have been wearing stocking for centuries, and now they are no longer in fashion?  Maybe it's just an Iowa City thing  or it could be a self image thing.  I notice several women I've worked with get quite upset when the new crop of younger students show up each semester.  Really!?!  Why even bother comparing yourself to them?  Find what works for you and stick with it.  I have notice women are harder on themselves and each other than any sane man. 

At my current age, I'm just happy to be in any room with women wearing whatever:  stocking or no stocking, tanned, pale like cream or black as the darkest night, shaved or unshaved.  Just give me confident women any day of the week. That's sexy.  I'm sure most men would I agree when me.

Why I read Playboy

Yeah, I gonna say it, even if it is a cliche´.  I read Playboy for the articles.  Actually, I read the cartoons first, then the articles: Twenty Questions, Essays, Columns, Interviews, and small stuff: Party Jokes, Advisor (Things that make me laugh).   I do the same thing with the newspaper.  Cartoons first then the news.

I don't really pay attention to the women, unless it's someone unusual.  Melissa Gilbert (from Little House on the Prairie) comes to mind.  I like my women a little thicker, more Zaftig than fake boobs and flat butt.

I can say this for all advertising, porn, or women batting their eyes at me trying to get my attention through sex.  For me, sex only works if there is truly a chance I'm going to laid.   I live in the real world and so does my friend and his two sidekicks.  As attractive as these women might be, the fact is I will never see them in person, nor have any distant hope of having sex with them.  I have a better chance of an alien showing up at the college and teaching me how to build an FTL drive.  (Which would be AWESOME!)

Now the woman across the street, in the grocery store, or at the local Stop-n-Rob.  That's a different story.  Any given day there is 10 - 90% one of these real women will want to take me home and bang my brains out!   That's what does it for me! It took me 25 years to figure this out.  I'm sure my college days would have been a lot less frustrating if I knew then , what I know now.

I like the interviews over the past couple of years: Patton Oswalt, Idris Elba, Steve Buscemi, etc

I also like the article on current events: Somali Pirates, Cyber Crime, Drug Smuggling, etc.  A lot of really cool stuff once you get past the half naked women.

Life by the Numbers

Once again time to get the oil check.  This time my checkup is before what I called the Season of Food.  The time starting with Thanksgiving and runs until Valentine's Day.  It also happens to be the time Egg Nog is freely available in the Grocery store.  Everywhere you turn someone is trying to push something down your gullet: Thanksgiving, Christmas Parties, Work Banquets, End of the Year Functions, New Years, Super Bowl, My Birthday.  All I can say is THANK GOD for my Stepper, Exercise, and Modern Pharmaceuticals.

A1c :   6.8 (Down from 6.9)  Yippie!

BP: 128/80 (Was 122/80) 

Res: 16 (16)

HR: 62 (Was 80, I don't think the nurse can count.)

Cholesterol: 133  HDL: 34  LDL: 87  TRI: 60 

Bonus:  I lost 2 pounds, but I think It's just me pulling my keys, phone, wallet, pocketknife, and other crap out of my pockets before I step on the scale.

However, I have notice dropping two pants sizes.  My pants now keep slipping from my waist to my knees if I am not careful.   I must say I'm a fine piece of ass from the waist below,  but now it looks like I have a beer gut.   Tummy fat is always the last to go.

Metadata Gone Wild

I have three children, two sons and a daughter.  However, I have discover the Internet Metadata Fairy has blessed me with three extra sons and another daughter.

So last week, when the postman dropped off a coupon pack for Victoria's Secret I assumed it was for the High Priestess or Technowitch.  Nope, evidently my oldest son is a major player.  Ignoring the fact the mailer is a slap across the face of all normal woman. (Insert Body Image Rant here:  She has no curves and looks like she is fifteen.) Why would my oldest son get coupons for bras and underwear?!?! 

He is already just a bag of hormones.  Why throw him a spank material in the mail along with free panties.  That's just a recipes to make him dysfunctional male who treats women like sex objects and kicks puppies in frustration.  This is like thrown raw meat covered in BBQ sauces to a straving grizzly bear.  Why do it?   Who thought this one up?  "Hmmmm... what do we need in our Victoria's Secret store?"   More young adult men, because that's not creepy at all.  Maybe we should start a queue outside the dressing rooms?