Why I read Playboy

Yeah, I gonna say it, even if it is a cliche´.  I read Playboy for the articles.  Actually, I read the cartoons first, then the articles: Twenty Questions, Essays, Columns, Interviews, and small stuff: Party Jokes, Advisor (Things that make me laugh).   I do the same thing with the newspaper.  Cartoons first then the news.

I don't really pay attention to the women, unless it's someone unusual.  Melissa Gilbert (from Little House on the Prairie) comes to mind.  I like my women a little thicker, more Zaftig than fake boobs and flat butt.

I can say this for all advertising, porn, or women batting their eyes at me trying to get my attention through sex.  For me, sex only works if there is truly a chance I'm going to laid.   I live in the real world and so does my friend and his two sidekicks.  As attractive as these women might be, the fact is I will never see them in person, nor have any distant hope of having sex with them.  I have a better chance of an alien showing up at the college and teaching me how to build an FTL drive.  (Which would be AWESOME!)

Now the woman across the street, in the grocery store, or at the local Stop-n-Rob.  That's a different story.  Any given day there is 10 - 90% one of these real women will want to take me home and bang my brains out!   That's what does it for me! It took me 25 years to figure this out.  I'm sure my college days would have been a lot less frustrating if I knew then , what I know now.

I like the interviews over the past couple of years: Patton Oswalt, Idris Elba, Steve Buscemi, etc

I also like the article on current events: Somali Pirates, Cyber Crime, Drug Smuggling, etc.  A lot of really cool stuff once you get past the half naked women.

Valentin's Day Post

Normally, I talk about my past and my relationship with women on Valentine's day. However, I just had to put this out into the void. Ladies would it kill you to wear something sexy on Valentine's Day. I know what you are thinking, I'm too fat, too skinny, too short, too tall, or any number of things that mean nothing to your significant other (SO). I will give you the male view point, but I think it works even if your SO is of the same gender.

If your truly cares you could show up in a burlap bag with a seductive slit up the side and he will still want to make love with you. Trust me on this.

Lingerie does have to be expensive or silk and lace. What Lingerie does it is a visual signal to your mate, boyfriend, or anyone else you have in mind that you are ready for having sex. What you are wearing says, "I'm ready to indulge all your perverted twisted fantasies for at least the next hour or two." So what should you be wearing? Lucky for you I have some suggestions, a lot of suggestions.

Trailer Park Beauty - A-Shirt (sometimes called a wife-beater) and thong panties. That's it! Never underestimate how damn sexy simple can be. Yes you may feel everything is "spilling out", but that the point. You you want paint your toes.

Hose and Heels - Stockings, grater belt, your choice of panties. If you want to match a bra with the set that's OK. This is a classical look and it goes with anything from classy dress to Halloween flapper costume.

College Coed - Just you wearing college sweatshirt that one size too big for you. You can use his sweatshirt or pick a sweatshirt with his favorite team. Nothing else. You can do this same look with a men's button-up shirt as well.

The Cheerleader - Every guy thinks about having sex with a cheerleader. It doesn't even have to be a real team. Short skirt or hot pants, tight t-shirt and some fake pom-poms from the dollar store and you are set.

The Teddy Bear - Just a Teddy. A nice teddy that fits you is always nice.

Just You - Nude, birthday suit, naked as a jaybird or any other reference you can to use. Skin is always welcome. If you want modest turn off the lights and crawl under the covers. If you have a big fluffy robe that works too. Try that and cuddle up on the couch.

I Have a question? What makes someone gay?

I ask because it seem in Senator Craig's case, that his bathroom habits are landing him on the Gay side of life. It does seem to matter that he has a wife and kids. I only ask because doesn't that make him not Gay but Bisexual?

The American public seems to have a problem with the spaces in between. You are either gay or straight, black or white, up or down. Basically, what seems to be shoved down our collective throat is more than one time with a same sex partner and you are gay period. It doesn't matter if you been with the other sex. I think this is more true for men than women. Men have to be Gay or Straight. If they are married or have a girlfriend...well they are just in denial. Women seems to be allowed the option of being bisexual. Maybe that's because in a male dominated society Males just can't stand the thought of attractive women saying "no" to them for the love of another women.

Just a thought...

To Be 6 Again...

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday.

"I'd like to be six again", she replied, still looking in the mirror.

On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again??"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!"

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.



A friend Emailed this one, milk came out of my nose!

Ladies here is something you may or may not know. ALL MALES FIGHT. I not sure if this is true for women, but for men I'm sure you don't know how deep the well goes. Males constantly test each other, not always with physical combat but with games and little challenges everyday. I mention this because I can see this get out of hand all the time. I think the Alpha Dog mentality is too deeply ingrained to be ignore. It happens everywhere, from shuffling in the elevator, trying to get on the highway, or playing video games in the mall. Male are constant trying to figure out who is top dog, and those lies they tell you in school are full of shit. "It's all about how you play" "It doesn't matter who wins" "We are just all here for fun." "Winning isn't everything"

Bullshit! WINNING IS EVERYTHING! That does mean you need to kill your opponent, but be serious in everything. Not all contest are fork in the road, but you need to realize which contest are important. This doesn't mean piss off your boos, nor does it mean you need to be a doormat. Use your head. However it is very relevant to group dynamics.

During these little matches the rules of fairness and decency go out the window. Like Kasparov being kicked under the table and a world class chess match. The only opponent he ever played that had Honor was a machine. The rest spent time trying the distract him from play by kicking him. I don't remember any chess lesson that told me to kick someone. Winning is the only goal. If Kasparov ever lost to these people , you would have never heard about it. Success washes everything clean. Winning is everything and it doesn't matter how you get there. Take Kobe Bryant, Barry Bonds, and a host of thousands.

Not everything is a World Class Chess meet, Super Bowl, or NBA playoff. I'm talking about those little contest that happen everyday. If you lose them you are stuck into the loser pile of life.

I pick up a paper last night, to read a story on Internet Privacy. I found this Dear Abby Column. It just proves it's not just me and you should take Abby's ADVICE! HECK YA!

From Dear Abby Dated March 15, 2004


DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jeff," is 35 and I'm 41. We've been married 10 years.
Jeff is an excellent provider. He spends quality time with the children and will do anything I ask.

I have only one problem. Every gift occasion -- anniversary, Christmas, Valentine's Day or birthday -- Jeff buys me an outfit I consider trashy. His most recent gift was a black leather miniskirt and bustier, black mesh stockings and thigh-high boots. When I asked Jeff where he expected me to wear that stuff, he said, "On a date with me -- or in our bedroom."

Is it healthy for Jeff to have those fantasies? -- NOT A SLUT IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR NOT: Oui, oui, Madame -- as long as the fantasies include you!

A REPOST FROM MY OTHER BLOG


Monday Jan. 26, 2004
6:29:26 AM CST
Feeling: Loopy
Hearing: Craid David - Can't Be Messing 'round

Spend Time with Your Woman

Guys Spend Time with your WOMEN!

For you lucky enough to have a woman who will tolerant your existence, Do the following: Spend some time with her.

Let me Tell you a Deep Truth!

Your Wife, girlfriend, mistress, significant other, or women you occasionaly have sex with want you to notice them and spend time with them. THIS NEXT POINT IS IMPORTANT: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU ARE DOING - ALL YOUR LADY KNOWS IS THAT YOU AREN"T SPENDING TIME WITH HER!

It doesn't matter that you are saving lives by doing open heart surgery on third world orphans. If you aren't around to hold her on Friday Night ( or any other day of the week) you are going to hear about it! All she knows is you ARE NOT Spending time with HER!

You Could be saving the Planet from certain DOOM ( Ebola, Alien Invasion, Earthquake, or the Apocalypse) ALL SHE KNEW IS SOMETHING IS TAKING YOU AWAY FROM HER!

Think about that next poker night, when you are wondering if you should go home or play another hand with the boys. ( or Playing Video Games --- "I'll be up dear, just let me clear this one level of ZOMBIES FROM HELL". )




5:44:56 AM CST
Feeling: Frustrated
Hearing: My Town by Montgomery Gentry

Playing Monopoly


I love my son! It also apprears he has Luck in buckets, the complete opposite of me. I hate any game that relies on good die rolling. He hit every payday in Chance and Community Chest. I hit every Tax and Pay Card in Chance and Community Chance. Went to jail 3 times, Paid income taxes twice, Didn't land on a single railroad or utilites: All in 5 trips around the board. I hit the Free parking bonus once, but IT WAS ALL MY MONEY ANYWAY!

Go Figure! Anything I do that is really important to me that relies on luck I fail miserably. ONLY STICK TO GAMES OF PURE SKILL and LITTLE LUCK. Unless their are ways to stacks the odds in your favor.