It's a Ruben! How Fucking Hard Can it Be?!?!?

 

OK, I know it has been awhile but I'm slight pissed off.  I have a weakness for Club Sandwiches, Chicago Style Hot Dogs, and Rubens.

I usually give a place three chances to keep my business.  There is a Butcher/Deli on the corner of Court and Muscatine that I drive by everyday.  One  day I see a sign "Today's Special - Rubens".  You Bastards!  I'm in. Not that day, but soon.  

I stop in a couple of week's later when I have money burning a hole in my pocket and a rubble in the belly.  I order one Ruben to go.  At home, I chow down.  The Ruben wasn't bad, not great, but not bad. That's one.  

Round two, I am told they are out of rye bread, but they can use white bread. (Well, it's not a Ruben is it. It's a pile of sadness.) The time is about 1:15 PM.  I can't imagine a Deli running out of sandwich bread that soon.  One Ball, One Strike.  

Round Three.  Couple of weeks later, 5:15 PM Friday, I have a dream of a Ruben and a couple of cold ones for a Friday Dinner Pinic.  Perfect!  Nope!  "We close the grill down and stop making sandwiches at Five." One Ball, Two Strike.  To be fair they are a butcher shop and the Deli thing is a side hustle, so I kind of get it.  However, it's like going to Mickey D's and finding out they are out of shake mix. 

Round Four.  OK the stars align for another try, They have Rye Bread, the grill is open, and there is plenty of meat behind the Counter. I order two Rubens.  Fuck my heart!  I get the last of the meat they have for the day.  Back at home, the first sandwich goes down the gullet.  It's ok, need some more Thousand Islands, and I want some fries.  The bread seems a little dry.  Ball! Second Ruben is a failure pile.  Each bite is a fatty mess.  Looks like I really got the dregs of the cuts.  Strike Three.  

I give you all the chances, and I guess you don't want my business.

Life By the Number

HR: 58
BP: 128/80
A1c: 6.2
Office Wt: 250
Home Wt: 247

You know all the crap you hear about wieght lose?  Take this pill! Use this system!  Eat this special food! Lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks!

All of that is horseshit!  You know the best way to lose weight diet and exercise.  Stop eating crap.  Get 8 hours of sleep.  Do Thrity minutes of vigorous exercise every day. ( Mastrubating to pornography doesn't count!)

All that stuff you mom told you about eating your veggies and not to drink some much soda pop really works.  Get over the fact you had a bad gym experience, when the class bully snapped your jock strap or pulled down your short exposing your raging hard on while you watched the girls in Coed swim class.  (Not that I dwell on that!  Although I am quite proud of the shocked looks I got. )

For those few readers I have left  paying attention,  my numbers are fan-fucking-tastic.  Six months ago I was at 6.8 for my A1c.   Try to think of your red blood cells as doughnut.  The A1c is a percentage of sugar covering the outside of the red blood cell, like the sugar on a doughnut.  Normal range is 4.8-5.9% , like a plain cake doughnut that a couple of sprinkles.  (Aside: If the red blood cell have too much sugar on their surface they can stick together just like real doughnuts.  Which lead to kidney damage, heart damage, blindness, loss of limbs, and death).  At 6.2% my donuts are lightly glazed. At 15.6% your doughnut have been through the Krispy Kreme Sugar Waterfall, dipped in chocolate, covered in rainbow sprinkles, then covered with doughnut crumbles.  Your blood has the consistency of pancake batter and it is only a matter of time before your heart explodes.

I have been working hard over the past two year to actually lose the weight.  A fat black guy walking through Wal-mart just seems a stereotypical at this point. (Aside: I get more looks from women theses day.  Evidently when you weigh 250 and everyone else is 350+  you look pretty damn sexy in some women's eyes)  I haven't weighed 250 since 1999.

How did I do this?  Little changes and small steps.  I can't gaurantee this will work for you but it worked for me so far.

1. A little willpower doesn't mean saying no to every piece of cake or twinkie.  It does mean not eating after 8 pm.  Realizing you don't need that bag of chips while you play video games.  Think before you eat.  Are you eating to cover something else?  Sometimes having an honest look at yourself is the hardest part.

2. Cut out all diet soda pop and artificial sweetener, anything with the claim of zero calories because sugar substitute are not your friend.   Artificial sweeteners trick the body into thinking it has sugar to burn.  When it can't find the energy your body craves more food.  All that fake sugar screws up your sense of taste as well.  Try cutting out all the fake sugar you have for two weeks then eat an apple, grapes or another piece of fruit.  (Really you should try this.  It shocked the hell out of me.)

3. Get some exercise everyday.  Start slow and let your body adjust.  When I started TKD I thought I was going to die, after six month it was wasn't that bad.  Sweat is your friend.  After my knee injury I had to start slow again and work up to what I do now:  35 minutes fast climb on a stepper, 1965 feet ascent.  (Aside: Since writing and editing I have upped to 40 minutes and now climb 2240 feet.)  I start with 15 minutes on the lowest difficulty and I thought I was going to die.  Every time my body got used to the work load I increased the time by 5 minutes or increase the stepper level.  It's about every two months or so.

4. Cut out the fast food.  Getting rid of the Burger, fries and pop can do wonders. Maybe having Fast Food once a month is a good goal to work toward.  Not all fast food is created equal.  A sub sandwich with unsweetened ice tea and no chips is better than double cheeseburger, large fries and a coke.  Packing a lunch will save you a bit of cash too.

5. Eating regularly breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Watch your portions You don't need as much food as you think you do.  The restaurants are lying to you.  No one needs a 16 oz steak.

6. Drink lots of water, Unsweetened iced tea, or plain coffee.  (Not any of that Iced Coffee with Whipped cream crap).  Maybe once a week I have a can (12oz - 355ml) of regular soda, but that is a rare special treat.  I think cutting out the diet and sugar drinks have helped me a great deal.  You would be surprise how many calories you down everyday in your drinks.

7. Weight yourself everyday and keep track of what is going on.  Your weight from day to day may change by 3 to 5 pounds.  There may seems to be no reason for it, but it happens.  I have stuffed myself and the next day I've been of the scale and it reads 2 pounds lighter.  Other days I barley had anything and gain 3 pounds.  This is normal.  As you body loses fat and gains muscle you may gain some weight.  If you are well hydrated one day and thirsty the next day, that can show up in your weight too.   Track your weight everyday, but look at the trend downward over the months.  

8. All of this will take time.  I can't help you if you want to lose 10 pounds in 10 days.  You didn't wake up 300 pounds one day.  You grew that way over time, it's going to take some time to lose the weight as well.  Be realistic.  Do not give up trying just because you can not  lose five pounds the that day.

9. You will slip.  Binge on a pizza.  Eat too much cake. You'll gain 5 pounds in a week on vacation that took you a good month and a half to lose.  Don't give up.  Get back on the horse.  rome was not built in a day and neither is a slimmer you.

Stuff My Kids Tell Me: McGangbang

When I work at McDonald's as a teenager there was a trick you could do on you grill orders.  A grill order is a special order on a hamburger or cheeseburger: Hold the Mustard, No Onions, Extra Pickles, etc.  The trick was to order a Big Mac with quarter pound patties instead of the normal 10 to 1 (10 patties to a pound of ground beef) hamburger patties.  There were two ways you could do it:  Order a double quarter pounder and have the "cooks" dress it like a Big Mac, or order the Big mac with the quarter pound meat.  Sometime the people at the cash register refused because they could not figure out how to punch the order in, and you would have a lot of explaining to do.  The old veterans at MickeyDs usually got what you meant.

Now with the dollar menu and the rising cost of the pre made combos, the creative cheap college student or hungry high schooler does something different: McGangBang (Sometimes called: the Bird Bomb, Mc Churger, or Mc Tasty)

A Mc GangBang is a McChicken inside a McDouble.  The purist will just order the two sandwiches and pull the McDouble apart at the patties.  Then place the McChicken in between the two halves. It's now a three decker sandwich.  I don't think you can order this put together, but you can order the two sandwich yourself.  Technowiz just pulls the chicken patty out and places it somewhere in the McDouble.  He says it's tasty.

If you want to have the triple bypass surgery you can go for the Land, Sea and Air sandwich.  Once again you need to ask a veteran at McDonald's.  As the name implies: A hamburger patty, A fillet-o-fish patty, and a chicken patty.  You can get this as an order without having to order three separate sandwiches and putting them together.

This is what passing for cooking and fine cuisine for my kids.  I think my heart is going to explode.

WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SEVRE CHEESECAKE WARM?

The High Priestess and I, are coming back from a play at Old Creamery Threater. It's a cool summer night and I think a little coffee and dessert would be please. We stop by the Okaboji Grill. Normally I don't do reviews on chain restaurants, but I will complain.

I order the cheesecake and coffee. I know most dessert are made someplace else, mostly by little gnomes. The dessert are frozen then shipped all over creation. I would expect some dessert should be left in a cooler to thaw. I would guess a store should be able to go through at least one cake a day. At five bucks a pop, selling even three pieces pays for the cake and the cost to ship it.

I get my cheesecake and it's warm, not room temperature but warm, hot even. The top of the cake is cool but the bottom is warm even to flow like melted wax. WTF! I ask the waitress, she finally admit she put it in the microwave for 30 seconds. She quickly explains that she does that with everything. It's standard policy. Whoever runs this place is a moron and probably has never had cheesecake in their life.

Cheesecake should be served at room temperature. Period. Even fresh from the oven it should be allowed to cool before being served. Chilled cheesecake is an OK second. End of story.

Bluebird Diner
330 E Market St
Iowa City, IA 52245-2171
(319) 351-1470
Normally, I don't trust a dinner that doesn't a fat guy cooking, but when a friend suggested this place I had to go. The other item that intrigued me was this place once was the Pittsburgh Paint store. The location is Gilbert and Market across from the Iowa City landmark John's Grocery.

I have had lunch, dinner and breakfast at the Bluebird so it's no time to write my review. First up the appearance.

As the name implies there is alot of blue: Blue chairs, Blue Booth, Blue awning, Blue floor tile, Blue T-shirt, and you get the picture. Even the main mirror has faint hint of blue. A word of warning, don't go into the male bathroom during a sunny morning without sunglasses, preferably some "Blu-Blocker". It all nice as a diner should be. The twenty-something staff gives the place a beatnik feeling, especially when the stand on the counter to change the chalkboard menu-of-day.

(Aside: How come I never get the cute waitress?) Enough about me and my personal issues, back to the Food.

Lunch
I had the Classic Reuben. This is almost always my first choice in any diner or theme restaurant. It's a good gauge of what staff in the kitchen are doing and the wait staff as well. It was a nice start especially during the lunch crowd. The sandwich had a generous amount of corn beef served with two thick piece of toasted rye. It came warm and juicy with the bread still crisp. A lot of places will not drain the sauerkraut enough to keep the bread from getting soggy. Other places grill the Reuben to hide this fact, but not here. The sandwich came quickly enough so the wait time didn't make the bread soggy either. Kudos for the staff. The taste was fine, but I found myself really wanting a kosher pickle with Reuben was well. Instead I got fruit, an interesting choice but not need. Stick with the pickle, if I'm order the Reuben I'm not thinking about my heart at the time. The Reuben was served with a nice portion of fries. This were crisp, yet a little cool. Which could mean the fries were probably put on the plate first and left to wait on the sandwich. This could be a timing problem in the kitchen. Normally I expect the sandwich, burger, fish or whatever to be under the fries slightly. That let's you know the order how things were put on the plate: Sandwich, fries, then garnish (Pickles). Then BOOM! to the table. The garnish may come before the fries depending on what it is: tomatoes, lettuce, or onion. Not sure with the fruit maybe after if it is cold, and before if warm. ( Aside: There's an idea, baked apples slices served warm. Maybe not for summer, but it might be a good winter choice. What do you think, guys?)

Dinner
I had the Classic Caesar Salad with grilled chicken. This was very nice. The Chicken was warm and the lettuce was crisp, not the easiest thing to do. This shows good timing in the kitchen and low wait time with the staff. The HP order the Vegetable Lasagna so kudos for the staff getting it to the table at the same time. (Aside: I tried my wife's Lasagna. It was good, but in the back of my head I kept saying to myself this needs more meat. Go figure. I just order a salad with meat.) The salad a a nice amount of dressing. I might have asked for a bit more if I wasn't in a good mood. The kalamata olives were another interesting choice. To me they taste like a cross between a old dishrag and a used diapers. I suspect the olives themselves were off, but I that could be just me. I will have to try this salad again. Then, I had pie.

Want to keep a fat guy happy? Offer him pie. The pie of the day was an Apple Pie with raisins and walnuts. The desserts are made everyday so there is something different each time I've been there. This pie was perfect, serve warm it held together nicely. The crust was flaky and moist. I thought the walnut and raisins would throw the taste, but they made a pleasant surprise. I was expecting something like currant or something dark, but this was light. The was served with two small scoops of vanilla ice cream. I wanted more. Once again, if I'm ordering pie with ice cream I pretty much killed my diet or already worshiped the StairMaster for an extra hour, just give me the ice cream! I going to come back for this pie.

Breakfast
I spent all morning chopping wood and doing yard work, so earned a big breakfast. I dragged the HP with me and order my two breakfast standards: Eggs Benedict and Pancakes. Once again this is sort of a standard benchmark with me. The Eggs Benedict was very good. The eggs were truly poached and not fried a short cut sometimes used in diners. The Hollandaise sauce was mild in flavor but very creamy. The ham was deli style shaved thin, and then cooked, a pleasant change compared with the Canadian bacon some places prefer to use. The ham does dry out faster when cut thin and cook. The sauce and eggs cover the ham slight dryness very well. The English muffin was nicely toasted. I couldn't quite place the brand, but it was tasty.

The hash brown were close to being perfect as I have ever got in a restaurant. Most place just fry brown one side of a mound of shredded potatoes, then flip the other side over. What you get is a raw mess of potatoes in a burnt brown layer. I hate that. The Bluebird's hash brown were cooked throughout and crunchy outside with a hint of butter. I had promised myself not to eat them all, but I did.

I order three buttermilk pancakes on the side. For $2.50, I received three sauce plate size pancake. This is a deal. I may just have to go back for just the pancake. They were light, but not too light as to be a sponge soaking up the maple syrup. I buttered the hell out of these, and wolfed down most of the cakes before they had time to cool. You can get these pancakes with whipped cream and fruit (grilled bananas, strawberries, or blueberry). Which just makes these pancakes evil and more time on the StairMaster for me.

Overall, a 7.5 out of 10 for me. The food will bring me back, but the staff sort of annoyed me.

If it's Saturday, it must be St. Paul.

I've finally got back to the twin cities, after finding half the world has moved here. The exception is my brother who just left a couple of years back. So on to the ramble.

The Drive was better than I thought, since I thought I would fall asleep behind the wheel after 2 hours to anywhere. However, I've found out some very nasty things.

One, it is possible to overdose on Sorbitol. One if my routines when driving is chewing Orbit Bubblemint and downing Eclipse Winterfrost mints like there is no tomorrow. Both have Sorbitol a sugar alcohol substitute. One of the reason I do this is to keep my mouth happy, thus causing me to stay awake and not run into the minivan filled with Nuns and orphan kids. (There's an express ticket to hell.) Since I'm diabetic I try to avoid sugar when I can, hence the need for the Sorbitol. However, soon after arriving in the Twin Cities part of my body feel like they have gone to another country and started drinking the pond water. The Odd thing is this happen the week before, and the week before that. Almost like clockwork.

Last time, this happen was in College when I would get a headache at 2 PM every Sunday and would clear up by dinnertime. Turns out that my body was going through Caffeine withdrawal. Hmmmmmmmm.....

Let's run it down. Two weeks, I drove to Des Monies for a conferences, then last week the HP and I took the kids to Adventureland. Both road trip with my usual routine, and a couple of days afterwards of me finishing off my supply of Eclipse mints. All followed by spending more time in the bathroom than a ten dollar hooker on payday. A little research and you guess it: Sorbitol! One more thing to scratch off the list. Other side effects: Gas. (Yeah, like I need that!), High Blood Sugar readings (Oh Shit, why don't you just say my head could explode.)
Truth to be told, the blood sugar reading are a result of my biochemistry and the sorbitol working together in interesting ways. Which leads me to my next point.

300 mg/dL! You gotta be Shitting Me! I admitt I have not been as diligent about watch what I eat, but I haven't had a donut in weeks and only one funnel cake in the past week. Some of this maybe the Sorbitol, but I hope it's not my pancreas giving up the ghost. I though I had this under control, before my lancet device failed. Which brings me to my next point. I'm sure all of you have seen those diabetic ads for all kinds of stuff. (Aside: I'm always tickled by the TV shows that have diabetic and ED ads in the same break time. Makes me think of old fat guys in wheelchairs with boners.) One of the ads is for the OneTouch Ultra Mini.

Sure, it's cute and small, but it's a pain in the ass. The unit is sold as being hip, small and convenient. I picked up one of these units for free at the local Hy-Vee store from the local rep pitching the product to the pharmacy customers. What they don't tell you is you have to dragging all the other crap with you: test strips, lancets, lancet device, and the case to carry it all. The picture makes it seem the unit carries the strips, HA! You load one test strip for each time you test. My old Accu-check Compact has all the test strips loaded into a drum so it's one less thing to carry. It's about three times the volume, but the case size for all the accessories is only 50% larger than the OneTouch. So I'm sticking with the Accu-check

Fong's Pizza
233 4th Street
Des Moines, IA 50309
515-323-3333

Ok, a Chinese Bar that serves pizza.... Hmmmmm.... Ok, I'll try anything once. I heard their Crab Rangoons were great: crunchy with a hint of orange. The pizza was different, I had the "Big Delicious". It was not what I expected, and the crust was quite yummy: A combination of sausage, chicken, banana peppers, bacon, onions, cheese and marinara sauce. This pizza would go great with some of the beers they serve. It was too early to indulge, but next bar crawl Fong's is on my list to try.

DeLuxe Cakes and Pastries

Last week was the start of my summer break. So it's time to eat locally. :) Nothing I like better than a cup of coffee and a decent donut, cookie, pastries, cake, pie or anything sweet. Yes, that's me sacrificing my body to forward human knowledge in things to ram down your pie hole. I've been meaning to stop by DeLuxe's Summit St. store and pick something up for a long time. I was there once last here to see about cake prices and sampled a muffin. Since then I've been trying to get back. Last week, I went it to sample the weres.

You can guess what's the Brownie. It was OK, I'm not a big fan of chocolate, The High Priestess and the Technospawns liked it. It was a fudge-type brownie. It was nice with a touch of bittersweet chocolate. It needs to be eaten with coffee, black and strong.

The item at the top of the pictures is a "Morning Biscuit" with Strawberry filling on top. I liked this. Not to dry, but not too doughy or sweet. I wish I could get theses right out of the oven. This goes well with Coffee Cream. I could eat a dozen of these, even if I'm not a fan of Strawberries. These would be the Cat's behind if they came with apples or cherries.

Down and to the right are Russian Tea Cakes. Yummy! These taste like pecan tassies cookies. I definitely want theses fresh out of the oven, but they are bad cold. Very buttery. That works well with DeLuxe's motto: We use only butter, butter and more butter. Moist, soft and slightly flaky the Tea Cakes would go well with ... you know...Tea. I'm a coffee drinker, but I still liked these.

The Petit Fours were a disappointment. I brought two types: Carrot Cake with cream cheese, and Cherry-Vanilla. The icing didn't quite taste right. Almost as if these were made the night before and set in the cooler. They was like eating cold Little Debbie cakes. I really should give them a second chance. I'm sure they are better when fresh. Depending on how that goes, I might try a whole cake.


This is a Cinnamon Roll: light, flaky and LOTS of Butter. Not bad. I wanted more cinnamon. Otherwise it was delicious. Go when with coffee.

Aside: After the sampling the good I spent the rest of the afternoon with a sugar headache.

Spring Rolls

2 1/2 pounds ground meat (beef, pork or whatever)
3 bundles of Silver Noodles
3 large carrots sliced (sliced fine or shredded)
1/2 medium cabbage shredded
Oyster sauce
3 whole eggs
1/2 cup flour (for sealing eggrolls)
Spring roll/ egg roll wrappers

Instructions
Soak noodles in warm water until soft, then drain them. Place carrots, cabbage, and noddles in a large bowl. Cook and drain meat. Allow meat to cool and place in bowl with carrots, cabbage, and noodles. To the same bowl add 1/4 cup of oyster sauce. Add 3 eggs in the same bowl. Mix everything together.

Make a water and flour paste that is very thick. Fill and Wrap mixture into spring roll wrappers. Seal with flour paste. Deep fry in vegetable oil until rolls are a golden brown.

This is the recipe that Technowitch made for her Girl Scout troop. I ate all the left-overs!

I like to spend Christmas at my parent's house. The High Priestess and I have been doing this ever since the kids were born. I try to get the kids to see their grandparents when ever I can. I lost three of my grandparents before I was five so I don't remember them. My last grandmother died when I was 30, but she had a stoke years before that so I remember her being sick. My best remember of her was when she brought a whole bag of toys one Christmas when I was about ten years old. So I am doing everything I can to get my kids to know their grandparents.

My mom goes all out every Christmas. I swear I gain 5 to 10 pound and my blood sugar number go into the toilet every year I am here. These are candy cane cookies sprinkled with crushed candy canes. I tried finding the Betty Crocker recipe in the "Cooky Book" but the page seems to be missing. Not to mention the book is falling apart from use. These cookies are wonderful with tea, coffee or milk. Just ask Santa. These are all that is left from my Mom's baking.

Lemon Pressed Cookies: GONE
Cherry tarts: GONE
Lemon Tarts: GONE
Christmas Bread: GONE

Dinner/Snack items
Eggrolls: GONE
Roast Beef: GONE
Green Beans: GONE

I feel like such a pig! My left arm is numb. I don't think that is a good sign.

Candy Cane Cookies (from Cooks.com)

1 c. sugar
1 c. butter, softened
1/2 c. milk
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. peppermint extract
3 1/2 c. flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. red food coloring

TOPPING:

2 tbsp. crushed peppermint candy
2 tbsp. sugar (Personally, I'd skip the sugar)

Mix sugar, butter, milk, egg, vanilla and peppermint extract. Stir in flour, baking powder and salt. Divide dough into halves. Tint 1 half with food color. Cover and refrigerate at least 4 hours.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Take 1 teaspoon dough from each half and shape each into 4 inch rope by rolling back and forth on floured surface. Place 1 red and 1 white rope side by side; press together lightly and twist. Place on ungreased cookie sheet, curving down top of cookie to form handle of cane. Bake for 9 minutes and immediately sprinkle with topping mixture.


My Willpower: GONE

Stained Glass Cookies

Technowitch has been making cookies. She got this recipes from American Girl magazine. Since I didn't bring the magazine with me. Here is another version. They are just simple sugar cookies with different shapes cut out of the centers. The "glass" can be any hard candy but I think Jolly Ranchers work the best.


Stained Glass Cookies
From Food Network

1 package (17.5 ounces) sugar cookie mix (recommended: Betty Crocker)
1/3 cup cream cheese, softened in microwave for 45 seconds
1 egg
1 teaspoon lemon extract
3 tablespoons cake flour
8 ounces hard candies, assorted colors (recommended: Jolly Ranchers or LifeSavers)

Special Equipment:
Baking sheets
Aluminum foil and cooking spray
Mixing bowl
Flour
Rolling pin
Oversized (4 to 5-inch) ornament-shaped cookie cutter
Smaller cutters, round or square
Cooling rack

Line baking sheets with aluminum foil and spray lightly with cooking spray. Alternatively, you can use a silicone baking mat.

In a large bowl, stir together all ingredients, except hard candies, until dough ball forms. Split dough in half and form into disks.

Roll out dough on a lightly floured surface to 1/4-inch thick. Cut out cookies with oversized (4 to 5-inch) ornament-shaped cookie cutters. Place cookies on prepared baking sheets spaced 1-inch apart. On each of the large cookies, cut out 3 or 4 smaller shapes using 1/2 to 1-inch cookie cutters. If cookies are to be used as ornaments, make a hole at the top with a straw. Chill in refrigerator for 30 minutes.

While cookies chill, place unwrapped hard candies, sorted by color, in separate zip-top resealable bags. Squeeze air from bags and seal; crush candies with rolling pin. Set aside.

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Remove cookies from refrigerator and fill centers of cookies with
crushed hard candies.

Bake for 9 to 12 minutes or until edges just start to turn golden. Cool completely on baking sheet on a rack.

Repeat with remaining dough.

Store completely cooled cookies separated by waxed paper in an air-tight container for 1 week.

If you just need a sugar cookie recipe instead of sugar cookie mix, just use this and follow the the above instruction. Or you can just make and eat the cookies plain.

Simple Sugar Cookies
From allrecipes.com

* 2 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
* 1 teaspoon baking soda
* 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
* 1 cup butter, softened
* 1 1/2 cups white sugar
* 1 egg
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). In a small bowl, stir together flour, baking soda, and baking powder. Set aside.

2. In a large bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until smooth. Beat in egg and vanilla. Gradually blend in the dry ingredients. Roll rounded teaspoonfuls of dough into balls, and place onto ungreased cookie sheets.

3. Bake 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven, or until golden. Let stand on cookie sheet two minutes before removing to cool on wire racks.

I have a Late summer/fall/back to school ritual I do. The last week in August or the first week of September I head to Wilson's Apple Orchard. Last year was a wash, because of weather. This year there were some apples on the tree, but I only pick a few for eating. The rest came for the cooler in the Wilson's Orchard store. All gathered by professional pickers.

My apple of choice is the "Song of September" and this weekend I finish the ritual by baking them into a pie. I get to use my Apple peeler/corer, so it take no time at all. Serve warm with Breyers' All Natural Vanilla Ice Cream and I'm in Heaven.

Here is the recipe I used today:

1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
2 tbsp all-purpose flour
1 tsp ground cinnamon
a dash ground nutmeg
6 cups thinly sliced peeled "Song of September" apples (8 medium apples)
1 tbsp butter

I cheat and use a ready made pie crust. Cover the edges with foil. Bake at 375 Degrees for 25 minutes. Remove the foil and bake for another 20 minutes or until the crust is golden brown. Cool.

Iowa State Fair 2006

We are all going to die. Americans will expire not through force of arms, the greenhouse effect nor HIV/AIDS. We will eat ourselves to death. I’m standing in line at the Deep Fried Twinkie stand behind an 8 year old who has to be 150 pounds and as wide as he is tall. He orders a Deep Fried Snickers Bar (Yes, you can do that.) and a large Pepsi. He pays his six dollars and waddles off. I look around I see my follow Iowans as eating machines and we all are getting F*#@&! HUGE. The only people not that way are Teenager girls who I suspects have been starving themselves a week before coming to the State Fair. I can’t see how anyone can eat this stuff and not turn into a walking ad for Fat Slim’s Big and Tall shop.

All that being said, I was quite good this year. Packing lots of water I made my pilgrimage to the land of foods on a stick and consumed; 1 pork chop on a stick (Very Good), 5 bites of Turkey leg (on it’s own built in stick), 5 bites of the High Priestess’ Steak Tips, green and Onions (OK), ¾ of a Funnel Cake, and a Fried Twinkie (Gotta try something new each year.)

OMG…. I revised my previous statement. The road to hell (at least my person hell) is lined with beautiful women and paved with fried Twinkies. This Twinkie was wonderful. A Twinkie is pretty good just by itself, but deep fry it in sweet batter and sprinkle powder sugar on it, F*#@&! Brilliant! Warm on the outside and the cream is still cold on the inside. The Devil herself could be there with a pitchfork, red skin, black teddy, whip, phallic tail, and a Deep Fried Twinkie…and I’d still think about it.

Later I made my way to the Varied Trades Building and had myself weighed. My souvenir from the Iowa State Fair says 281.5 pounds. That beat Tony Soprano by a pound and a half. To be fair I ‘d my standard 10 pounds of crap I carry with me plus I was toting more water than Gunga Din.

Next year: Deep Fried Oreo Cookies or a Deep Fried Snickers

IOWA STATE FAIR PICTURES!

I kept trying to find the Pork Princess this year, but no luck. here is Tiger Woods as butter and his pet. Everyone loves egg on a stick!

The Iowa State Fair 2005

Short Ribs ( Free from mom )

1.75 liters of Waters from Dahl's ( Like hell I'm gonna $2-3 for 16 oz of water at the fair)

1 Turkey Leg ( This was as big as my daughter's leg! we fed four people off this thing. I hate to see the mutant turkey they got this from.)

Fries (OK I'm Weak)

Pork Tenderloin (As big as my head! Never heard of a tenderloin before moving to Iowa. That's a good thing. When it's done right it's Lethal. This one is so good I forget how many nails are being driven into my casket.)

Bag of Saltwater Taffy (Peppermint. This is for later.)

Egg on a Stick. I didn't have one of theses but I know several hundred people who did)

Then I go Crazy....

Wonder Bar ( Vanilla Ice dipped in Chocolate then cover in Nut. Get it made fresh, so the warm chocolate gets a chance to warm the ice cream a bit.)

JR Donuts (Mini-Donunt deep fried and warm, sprinkle in sugar. They come in bags of 11, 21, and 31. OMG)

I stopped wondering why everyone there is as big as a house. Rule of thumb: IF you can't walk around the fair under your own power, don't go in a power chair.

Ask a Black Guy Anything #5

Email from a friend -- "What do you think of MJ verdict coming in not guilty????

Celebrity has even more privileges! Now to disprove that theory, Phil Spector will probably be convicted simply to disprove the trend."


I don't think Micheal got off (hehehehehe - he said "Got Off") because he is a celebrity. He beat the rap because the prosecution tried to pin to much on him and he got same darn good lawyers. I'm not saying Mr. Jackson was completely innocent, but i don't believe his is as sinister as the prosecotion made him out to be. They probabaly could have gotten Micheal on the underage drinking charges and the lewd acts, but he would never seen jail time. His career would have becomes like Paul Rubens, just a has been.

Micheal Jackson has problems. He lacks good judgement and has no one to tell him when he is being stupid. He is not in any world a normal person would can reality. All of these trials just feed into his illusion and he will not change. I suspect we will all have to be back here in five years. Micheal jackson is going to hit the mid-life criss wall hard, very hard. He should be pitied.

The sad thing is that he is in a great position to really make some great timeless music. Something that can really speak to people, but he has to come back to the real world and live Neverland behind. Mr. Jackson was at a crossroads after his Dangerous Album. Right now he is heading down the path of the middle aged loser rock stars, destined to die in some motel coked out of his with child porn on the TV. Micheal needs to be on the right road with other musicians like: Pete Townsend, Peter Gabriel, Phil Collins, and Mick Jagger.

Micheal get your act together!

This Comes for the Ask a Black Guy Anything Mailbag (Actually an Email).

"Why do guys like porn?(sic)"

I assume this is from a lady. Why would a guy ask, eh? Not really a black guy question, more of a general guy question. It'll do.

Hmmmmmm.... Thinking cap on.

There are a couple of reasons.

First and foremost, men are visual creatures, so looking at what they desire comes naturally. The women ( or men for that matter, I'll be fair here) don't even have to be nude. It just appealing to look. I guess men are just wired that way. Maybe that why there are some many men's magazine with women in bikinis and underwear, maxim, FHM, etc. Of Course, there is always the stuff that come in the plastic wrap and sits on the high self. Why do these things sell? Because the women are approachable, sure some of them are very pretty, but I don't think that the main reason. In these books, magazines, tape and DVD are women who seems available. Not for real, but it the illusion the guys want. A woman who always seems available, ready, horny, and doesn't place to many demands on the male pysche (You know like puttting two coherent sentences together).

Second, Your husband, boyfriend, guy across the hall, next door neighbor, even your father, has some deep dark fantasy, probably invovling a midget, lime jello, and lots and lots of leather. This is the one they don't even tell spouses, or girlfiends, because they are affraid their lady friend will run shieking from the room. Now here is the kicker, there is a magazine, video series, or website devoted just to his little dark fantasy. So for the cost of a movie rental he can feed his little monster and the world still turns safely and none the wiser. That why the porn industry made 7 billion dollars last year.

Comments anyone?

Cranberry Walnut Scones

( These are quite good and moist too. Servered warm, fresh with a little butter and a something warm to drink...heaven.... In the morning with warm bunny slippers. )


2 Cups Flour
2 tablespoons Sugar
2 teaspoons Baking Powder
1 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoons Baking Soda
1/2 teaspoons Salt
1/2 cup Butter or Margarine
1/2 cup Sweetened Dried Cranberries
1/2 cup Chopped Walnut
3/4 Buttermilk*
1 egg (separated)
2 teaspoons Sugar

(* To Substitute Buttermilk, use 2 teaspoons Vinegar or Lemon Juice plus milk to make 3/4 cup)

1. heat oven to 375F. Lightly grease cookie sheet or line with parchment paper. Lightly spoon flour into mearsuring cup; level off. In a large bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, nutmeg, baking soda , and salt: mix well. With a pastry blender or fork, cut in butter until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Add Cranberries and Walnuts; mix well.

2. In a small bowl, combine buttermilk and egg yolk; blend well. Add to flour mixture. Stir just until dry ingredients are moistened. turn dough out onto light floured surface, knead lightly 12 times. Divide dough in half; place on greased cookie sheet. Pat each half into a 6-inch circle. Cut each into 6 wedges. Do not separate.

3. In small bowl, beat egg white slightly, brush over top of the scones. Sprinkle lightly with 2 teaspoons sugar.

4. Bake at 375F for 15 to 20 minutes or until golden brown. Cool 10 minutes. Serve Warm. Makes 12 Scones.

(High Altitude - Above 3500 Feet: No Change)

Ok So I'm Lazy..... Another recipes... My Spouse would cook this all the time before we had kids. So I miss it. Try the recipe plain before you start messing with it. This is so cool because it makes it's own crust!

Yummi :)



Impossible Bacon Pie (Fake Quiche)

12 slices of bacon (Fried and Crumbled)
1 Cup Shredded Swiss Cheese
1/3 Cup Chopped onion
2 Cups milk
1 Cup Bisquick
4 Eggs
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper

Sprinkle Bacon, cheese, and onions in greased
10 x 1 1/2 inch pie plate. Beat remaining
ingredients until smooth. Pout into pie plate.
Bake until a knife inserted halfway between
the the center and the edge comes out clean,
about 35 - 40 minutes. Let stand 5 minutes.

Hint: This recipe you can play around will and
not screw it up. Try adding mushroom, fresh
spinach, or other veggies. Think "dry" ingredients
Try a little salsa on top.

There is never a bad time for French Toast

Panther's French Toast

3/4 Cup milk
2 Eggs
1/2 to 1 tsp. Cinnamon (Ground)
1/4 to 1 tsp. Nutmeg (Ground)
2 to 3 tbsp. Sugar

Mix all ingredients in a large bowl with a flat bottom.
Beat with a wisk so that the mixture is well aired.
You can tell if it is when it gets foamy. (You May need
wisk the mixture again after each batch of toast)
Heat a skillet to 375 - 400 Degrees F. Make sure the
skillet is well greased with butter. Dip both sides of
the bread into the mixture and place in the hot skillet.
Cook until golden brown. Makes 8 - 12 pieces of
French Toast.

Hints: The secret is having the skillet hot enough to really
toast the bread, but not hot enough to burn the butter.
Also don't dip the bread too long or it will get soggy.
Having the mixture foamy really helps here. It coats the
bread without make it too damp. You can play around with
the spices and sugar to taste.