Women how do a Clothe You!

OK, OK … I’ll admit it. I have a thing for curvy women. Rubenesques, Zaftig, Voluptuous, Ghetto Booty, Apple Bottom, BBW. What ever you want to call it I’m there! I told the High Priestess it doesn’t matter to me; I love any shape you take. Please, Please…Let me buy you something! Which usually leave someone in a sea of tears and me thinking “What the F*ck did I do now?” How do I correct it without using the secret weapon of Dark Chocolate?

I always like trying to make women look their best in a non-fashion-designer–completely-straight-Heterosexual-male-kind-of way. I think I am pretty schooled in all the tricks of women’s clothing. I know for a fact all the plus size catalogs has a nasty habit of modeling their wears on women who are a size 12 or 14, but the shop only stocks for 16 or higher. A fact I know is upsetting to a lot of women. Kind of like me buying my clothing based on some guy with a deep tan. HA! That Works! HA!

So I’m off to the store with money burring a hole in my pocket. I have sizes, colors and styles in my head! I go to a place in the Jordan Creek Mall called Torrid. Kind a of Lane Bryant meets Hot Topic meets Fashion Bug. The good little Astrophysicist in me has a sea of numbers in my head. I’m looking for 18, 20, 22, 24 etc. Still working past the whole even numbers only thing. I find some things I like and I check the tags.

“WTF”

I see 0, 1, 2, and 3 …

Just when I thought I had everything figured out they change the rules. The nice saleslady at Torrid explains that their system starts at 0 for a size 16 and goes up from there. Ok I’m just a man, but are you really fooling anyone by doing this?

Ok. I get past that. Now I have to deal with bust sizes, hips and a whole bunch of stuff I did not think of. I leave the store dazed and confused. I’m thinking I just need to drag the HP to the store and let hear just go on a shopping spree. Which is probably for the best because even by some miracle I have the sizes right, I’m sure I will have miss the colors and matching portion of the test.