Friday, October 28, 2005

Life by the Numbers

Once again time for 6 month oil check and rotation of the tires.

Heart Rate: 67 BPM (Down from 77 BPM. Yippie)

HDL - 39 (Up From 33. Yippie! Needs to be 40-44)
LDL - 81 (Up from 73. Damn You State Fair... Damn you to Hell!)
Total Cholesterol - 131 (Up from 117, but still OK since my HDL went up too.)

Lord, I really would kill for a big juicy cheeseburger, some fries, onion rings and a great big shake. Maybe a could trick myself into a trip to Steak and Shake

A1c - 5.4% (Down from 6.0%... Big Yippie! Normal Non-diabetic people should have ranges between 4.0 and 6.4 %. The diabetic range is 6%-7% for having it under control. Think of your red blood as frosted donuts with sprinkles. I my case they are chocolate frosted with rainbow sprinkles. My donuts have 5.4% of the surface covered with sugar sprinkles. Too many sprinkles makes the blood sticky and that's bad. Thank God for Diet POP and Water. Of course, I'll probably get some sort of brain tumor from the amount a diet pop I drink.

Temp. 97.1 F (Had a cold 24 hours before my checkup, so this is down from 98.6 F)

Gross Tonage: 270 Pounds (The Scale Lies! Actually this is down five pounds from last time but my home scale say I'm 261.5. I'm carrying 8 pounds of clothing, weapons and gadgets.)

Blood Pressure 151/94 (Way Up! from 140/90)I hate the modern automatic blood pressure machine. The cuff is always too tight and the machine keep pumping it full of air until I think my arm will fall off and my head explode.

My doctor has put me on some new meds for blood pressure. She hopes it will bring my pressure back under control, but says this med is not as effective in African American. Oh Joy! She also mentions that I might have some side effects such as fainting, light headness, coughing, and get this low blood pressure. LOL. I want a medicines that makes you lose 50 pounds, grow six inches, and increases your manhood in size and girth. Where is the pill for that?!? "Hi, I'm Technomage and this is my big dick!"

Yes, I'm a tad bit bitter. To be fair this is partially my fault too much candy, soda and burgers in college and high school. The other part is genetic. This current body chassis should be on some hot plain chasing herds of impalas. I've got 67 years. The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.

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