Ask a Black Man Anything

The other day I'm sitting around with my D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) groups, and a question comes up about raising kids to be diverse.  More specifically what to do when your white kid screams out "Oh Daddy, look a black man, woman, kid, family, etc".  The direct quote was something like "Oh Daddy, I like black people there skin is sooooo  pretty."  It was on of those things kids blurt out at the age of four or five.   A comment that comes out before their social software kicks in in their brain.

The blurting is a little uncomfortable for everyone involved, parent, surrounding people and the subject of the blurt, but at least the blurt is not a racist comment, or "I'm Rick James, BITCH!)  Maybe what is really called for is letting your child experience more diversity, beyond what your child see on the internet, TV, Movies, and other media.  True Diversity goes beyond let your kids play or interact with other kids at school, playground or public library.  Otherwise the kids just thinks of diversity as something you encounter if you go someplace specific.  The concept of other races becomes just something out of the ordinary and not really part of the child's reality.  Race will always be a novelty, not the true color of the world.

True diversity mean your children need to experience different races in the home and personal interactions.  Diversity means having truly close friends that have a racial makeup other than your own. So much so that the race becomes invisible and your know the individual as a person.  You need to move beyond: "I know a guy who is gay", "I have a black friend.", "I've dated a few Asian".   Your view needs to move toward: "I know Jessica, she's my best friend. She paints and likes crappy Sci-Fi movies."  The view should be so general that the person develops an image inside their own head that build an image of their own.  When confronted with "Jessica"  the is a moment of "OH".  If you have to mention the race or gender in your description then your have not achieved race or gender neutrality.

This is a hard concept.  I even struggle with it.  If I see an attractive woman.  Am I attracted because of her or her race?  When someone describe a friend I'm going to meet do I fill in a race based on stereotypes or am I open to seeing whoever.

How do I get my kids to be more diverse.? Of Course, if your kid is saying stuff like "Oh Daddy, Why are all theses people burned, or so short, or dark, etc"  You have a serious problem and you need to get out of Lily White America."  Take your kids and hang out in a city with a population of 250,000 plus, or the nearest Large State College.

Now if your children are not complete closet case and have seen some diverse people.  You need to take the next step:  having your kids makes true friends with other diverse kids.  This mean making playdate, and not just random encounters and the park.  (Aside:  As with everything you need to make sure the parents and kids are somewhat normal and sane.  As you would for any other group of people you would let your kids hang out with.  No Danger. No Drama. Non-serial Killers or Sexual Predators.  Use some common sense folks) ) Assuming the people pass the "I am a Human Being" test, then your can proceed.  Visit each others houses.  Set up birthday parties.  Offer to watch the diverse parents kids, when the parents need a couple of hours to shop.  Join the same boy/girls scout troops.  If everything clicks, then offer a sleepover.  Then have your kids sleepover at their place too.   This let's the kids experience a home life hopefully a little different than what they familiar with.

This may or may not work.  Diversity comes with effort, and maybe heartache.  You may never know how this will really turn out, but that's the excitement of living a life.

(Aside: Yeah I'm a 48 year-old black man and I play Dungeon and Dragon.  So does Vin Diesel, so Fuck You!)