The iPhone 5s

I've been waiting for this for a long awhile.  I expected long lines at the store.  I expected them to be sold out of the model I wanted.  I expected to have to wait for a month while everything is backorder.

I DID NOT expected the BUTTFUCKING I got from Verizon Wireless However.

I've been saving my Upgrade discount for over six month.  I been trying to match my two renewal plan with Apples projected release dates of their phone products.  My renewal date was in May.  I've been saving my pennies and watching the tech news on all the iPhone rumors.  So I waiting past the Opening Day on Friday, because that's always a madhouse and any first run of production of any high tech device has bugs.  

Monday night I walk into My Verizon store and wait for 20 minutes until I can see someone about order a new phone.  I've got cash and expect everything to be cool.  Between my discount, my trade-in iPhone 4 and cash I should have more than enough for a top of the line iPhone 5s.   Then the bitch shows up with spiked heels and the biggest black dildo I have every seen in my life!

Me:  I'd like a Black 64GB iPhones 5s.

The Bitch:  I'm sorry those are out of stock until Mid-October. (Please bend over)

Me: I expected that. It's Ok.  I'd like to use my upgrade too.

The Bitch: (Pouting) Ohhh.  Well let's look up your number and plan.

I rattle off some numbers.......

The Bitch:  I see you have unlimited data on your line.  (She starts lubing the dildo.)  Unfortunately, to use your upgrade you must change your plan to 2GB per month.  Verizon is no longer grandfathering any unlimited data plans.

Me:  WTF! (Aside: In everyone part of the world cell data is unlimited, and Wifi is pretty much everywhere.  It's only in the US the the Free Internet cost and arm and a leg.   BTW - I just thought about this If I upgraded in May to a iPhone 5 would Verizon still want to Fuck my ASS with the new data plan?  Or is this some Corporate bonehead idea because the new iPhones are out) Fair Warning: Can You tell I'm a Little Pissed?  I feel like punching someone!)

The Bitch: You can have your phone at $399 with upgrade discount and  the new dat plan or ....
(She bends me over and starts...)

The Bitch:  You can pay the full price of the phone $850 and keep your old plan month to month and not be in a contract.  (Now the Hard fucking Begin!)

Me: (Internal Monologue - WTF!  It only takes about $180 to make an iPhone!  I'm sure this BITCH would love to get me into a 2GB data plan then charge me up the ass for going over my data.  I'm going to have this phone for at least 3 years.  Who knows what cool stuff will happen then that will eat up my data.  I imagine sending and receive Chinese food transport as data through my phone!  My 2 dollar egg rolls now cost $50 because each egg roll use 10 Terabytes of data.  FUCK YOU LADY!   FUCK YOU VERIZON!)  I grumble.  I'll pay the full price.  (BY GOD I'M GONNA STREAM PANDORA EVERYDAY AND WATCH STREAMING PRON FROM THAILAND EVERY NIGHT!  JUST TO CRASH YOUR NETWORK!)

The Bitch:  Ok Sign here.  Would like the Protection Plan for an extra $10 a month?  (OH YOU LIKE THAT....  WHO A MAMA'S BOY?  YES YOU ARE!  SQUEAL LITTLE PIGGY!)

Me: NO!

The Bitch: Ok.  Your iPhone should be ready in a Month (Awwwww,  Don't pout...I'm not using my fist you silly boy!)