The Politics Of Dancing: Part II

Evidently, the "10 Things You Don't Know about Women" is a regular feature in Esquire magazine. They get a famous woman to write a "10 Things" column every month. What about the girl next door? What does she want you to know. Once again from Esquire:

Every month in Esquire, a well-known woman writes a list of 10 Things You Don't Know About Women. But why should only the famous ladies get to weigh in? Feeling democratic, we asked our female readers to submit lists of their own on Esquire.com. Here's but a tiny sampling of the overwhelming response.

1. Not all of us want marriage and babies. Some of us just want orgasms and dogs.
2. Single men who love cats should be neutered, too.
3. When every single one of Liz Phair's songs reminds us of you, you're in big trouble.
4. Unless your name is Harry Connick Jr., never, under any circumstances, attempt to serenade us on a date.
5. Old men rule.
6. Just because we're bi doesn't mean that we're attracted to you.
7. We may say we hate Britney Spears, but we all secretly want to be her.
8. It's the prettiest girls who fart the loudest.
9. Don't order a flavored martini in front of us unless you just want to be friends.
10. We're never as drunk as we act, so be careful.
11. If you say "we're pregnant" when your wife is expecting, we pity her for being married to an asshole like you.
12. Never trust a woman who orders a salad and a glass of chardonnay. Odds are she's a lousy lay.
13. We don't get Brazilian waxes to turn you on. We do it because it may be as close as we'll ever get to a lesbian experience.
14. Women and men really aren't all that different, despite the surface details, goofy crap, and ingrained stereotypical bullshit that magazines like yours tend to focus on.
15. The vast majority of women are digging for appreciation, not gold.
16. We appreciate men who love and respect their mothers. Mama's boys, however, are about as appealing as eunuchs and far more annoying.
17. If we spy a Sheryl Crow CD in your collection, you can be sure that's the last time we'll set foot in your apartment.
18. It's sexy and cute when you make us a mix CD. It's neither sexy nor cute to include Journey, Richard Marx, or Eminem.
19. Our girlfriends really aren't your friends.
20. Calluses, yes. Manicures, no.
21. Never question what we eat, wear, smoke, our driving style, or the sanity of our family.
22. We are not as attracted to hairy arms that are shaved in spots to give us a better view of your tattoos as you might think.
23. Flowers are nice, but they die.
24. Some of us like guns.
25. Your Game Boy/PlayStation/Xbox obsession? It makes our shoe-shopping habit look like a nobler pursuit than peace in the Middle East.
26. The way we cook is a clue to the way we like to be treated in bed. You want to flash-fry everything; we like the eight-hour Crock-Pot commitment. Sure, instant gratification's okay sometimes, but the slow simmer can be a powerful thing.
27. The world would be a much better place if more men wore eyeliner á la Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean.
28. Orlando Bloom is hot only because we secretly think he's gay.
29. Attention, otolaryngologists: On a date, please don't offer to stick your fingers up our noses to explain the mechanics of a deviated septum.
30. We don't always want you to leave your wife.
31. If we're not moaning even a little, we're asleep.
32. Trite but true: Chicks dig hot cars.
33. Redheads are the true bitches of the world. You just can't trust 'em.
34. Most of us wouldn't even remember our natural color if not for the hair down there.
35. Learn about wine, but don't say you "know" wine. Just pick one. The second-least-expensive bottle at a decent restaurant will be just fine.
36. Some-times nagging is done out of sheer boredom.
37. We hated Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, too.
38. Emotional men are the worst. Leave the tears to us.
39. Raise your criteria beyond our faces and figures and we'll raise ours beyond your bank account.
40. If a woman says you'd get along with her boyfriend, that means she wants to sleep with you.
41. We're mostly jealous of the women we look at, not the women you look at.
42. There is nothing worse than being compared to our mothers. Even if our mothers are smart, hot, and rich.
43. Intelligence minus arrogance is the best thong-melter.
44. It's all about attitude. You don't think Hef, Mick, and Wilt got anywhere based on the way they look, do you?
45. Your knowledge of and ability to use a washboard is more important than having abs that resemble one.
46. We're capable of sex without commitment, too. It's just that you're happy with one inebriated night of it and we prefer 9 1/2 weeks of it—sordid, aggressive, and gratuitous.
47. Somewhere between The Vagina Monologues and Beauty and the Beast resides our notion of femininity. So, you know, good luck with that.
48. It's all in the details, not the grand gestures.
49. We are just as clueless about what we really want as you are.